Fawning: The Lesser-Known Trauma Response & Your Path to Healing

Fawning, often referred to as "people pleasing," may be a lesser-known trauma response than fight, flight, or freeze, but it’s, unfortunately, still quite common. Simply put, fawning is when one impulsively seeks to appease others to avoid conflict, criticism, or potential harm. It’s saying “yes" when you mean “no.” Although fawning can appear as kindness or compliance, making it the most socially rewarded trauma response, it often leads to self-betrayal, resentment, and burnout.

Why Fawning Happens

Fawning typically stems from developing in an environment where safety depended on pleasing those in authority. For example, if you grew up in an unpredictable or abusive household, you may have learned to suppress your own needs to keep peace and protect yourself from emotional or physical harm. The more you successfully employ this method of survival growing up, the more deeply ingrained it becomes in the trauma center of your brain, known as the amygdala. Unfortunately, while fawning may have helped you survive painful aspects of your childhood, this response likely followed you into adulthood and into relationships in which it’s unnecessary.

Chronic fawning can further erode your self-worth, create unbalanced relationships, prevent you from reaching your potential, and lead to emotional burnout. You may be struggling with fawning if you find it difficult to assert yourself, acknowledge your own needs, or set healthy boundaries. So, given the negative consequences, you may be wondering if fawning is something you can overcome, and I’m glad to share that it absolutely is.

Healing from Fawning

Fawning, at its core, is a painful blend of trauma and poor self-esteem, which is why an approach that incorporates trauma therapy and empowerment is key. As a psychologist who treats fawning regularly, I find the approach tends to have three phases. 

First, we need to identify the roots of your fawning response. We may explore what childhood was like for you, how you felt in your primary relationships, and which beliefs about yourself may be contributing. 

Using a compassion-based approach, we then journey back to these experiences for healing. Typically, this will include a blend of IFS therapy in which we provide your inner children with corrective healing experiences and somatic work such as Havening Techniques, which allows us to directly target the trauma center of your brain. 

With the roots addressed, we begin to rebuild. Discovering your self-worth involves learning to set and maintain boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and working directly with the brain to build empowered neural pathways. Over time, you will begin to embrace your authentic self without fear of criticism or rejection.

Written by Dr Megan Mansfield, a Clinical Psychologist (PSY31497) specializing in healing trauma and building empowerment. If fawning feels familiar, know that healing is possible. If you’re ready to begin your journey or have some questions about the process, schedule some time to talk with Dr Mansfield here.